Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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