A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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