remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Can i not drive my cunt home
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
