Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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