im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
how does that bad decision feel?
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