one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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