Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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