i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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