I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
