Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
