i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
