I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
