A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
