i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
