hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
