Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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