every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
