I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
