The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
