Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
