There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
