I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
