On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
