So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
