is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
