she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
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no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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