I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
