The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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