i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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