tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
