My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dick very happy bro
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize