jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
