I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
