On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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