saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
