mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
