i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
