Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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