You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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