I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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