There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
