i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
