Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Drake has all the answers
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
