i think my mom watched the whole time
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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