i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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