I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
