You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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