I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
