I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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