Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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