atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They have beer where we have blood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
