wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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