Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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