I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
