I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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