I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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