Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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