Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
