How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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