I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
