currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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