i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
