last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
